“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’                Matthew 25:45

Ouch, I have always read this Scripture as saying “Whatever you DID for one of the least of these  you did for me.”

You, know…

When I fed the hungry, I did it for Jesus.

When I gave clothes to a thrift store, I did it for Jesus.

When I gave from our financial blessings, I did it for Jesus.

And while these things may be true, it’s not what this verse says.

It says…..

When I reject someone who is different than me, I reject Jesus.

When someone needs guidance and I say no, I say no to Jesus.

When I fail to step out in faith to follow my calling, I say no to Jesus.

I have to be honest with you, I am willing to help someone unless it’s messy and complicated. I can give food to someone who is hungry, clothes to someone without clothes but ask me to help them go from a messy, out of control life to one guided by Jesus and I just freeze. On social media, maybe but face to face-I put up a wall. I say no to Jesus.

It’s not that I don’t want to, I love to share how Jesus has transformed my life from being an alcohol, drug, relationship addicted lost soul to one that has been transformed by the love, grace and mercy of Jesus. I just want to do it on my terms. I don’t feel qualified to share it and guide others to the love, grace and mercy of Jesus when their lives are so unlike mine and so darn messy. Sad right? Yet, Jesus keeps putting women in my path that need to hear how God transformed my mess into a message. I seemed to have forgotten that my life was just as messy before I truly met Jesus.

But how do I get past what my flesh feels and what I know, in my Spirit, God is calling me to do?

I am priviledged to be a part of the launch team for Suzie Eller’s new book “Come With Me, Discovering the beauty of following where He leads” and part of being on her launch team, I get to read the Advance Reading Copy. In Chapter 4 “Loving People You Don’t Want to Love” on pg 58 Suzie says:

“What if God’s calling you to ministry where difficult people will be in the mix?

Further she asks:

“And what if you’re the difficult person? (Gasp!) We may not realize how our inability to love a difficult person translates to the lack of grace we give ourselves.”


I have been the difficult person because I have refused God’s calling on my life. I have refused to fully grasp God’s grace, mercy and agape love in my life. I have judged others with a standard I wouldn’t dare use on myself or more honestly I have used to judged myself.

and then Suzie adds:

“He asks the disciples to love difficult people-because difficult people matter to God.”


Reading this chapter, before church Sunday morning, before I just knew I would run into this one woman that will text me 82 times a day for help, convicted me to the core. You see, I would help you, if it didn’t inconvenience me. I would help you, if it fitted into my schedule. I would help you if it didn’t  interfere  with my life and most importantly I would help you if I loved you. This last one is where this chapter convicted me to the core. I would only help those people I loved and quite honestly, that’s a pretty guarded few.

But God’s Word tells us in Matthew 5:46-48

46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

We are to love, not as our flesh would but as Jesus would with His perfect Agape love. So Sunday morning in my quiet time with Jesus I repented, I asked Him to change my heart and let me see and love this person like He does. I also asked Him to show me how to help her, asked Him to guide my steps and words and He most definitely did. I had been stumped because I didn’t know how I could help her, I felt and still feel inadequate. But God. He put a plan in my heart and I’m stepping out in faith knowing He will be walking with me, guiding my words and steps. You see, what stumped me was that I didn’t know how I could change her. Of course, I can’t, only Jesus can but what I can do is love her and guide her to Jesus. The rest is between this woman and Jesus. I can speak God’s truth to her through His Word but only Jesus can transform her.

This revelation on Sunday morning took me to a place I have never been before, being part of the worship team, I sang like I have never done before, spoke of God’s Word with boldness like never before and this reluctant leader, this woman who would rather be a servant than a leader, is now ready to step out in faith as I collect the hurting, love them and point them to Jesus.

Do you struggle with following God’s call on your life? If Jesus said “Come with me” how would you respond?

Suzanne Eller’s book “Come with Me” releases on May 3rd but you can preorder it here: On Amazon . Do it today, do it now, it will change you in ways that only God can and have no fear, He will be with you every step of the way.


You WILL stop!

No used to be such a hard word for me to say. I have lived a life of being very over extended. Doing a lot of Godly, good things-being the hands and feet of Jesus. It’s what we, as Christians, are supposed to do. Right? So why was I tired all the time, our home went without cleaning for months, laundry piled up, meals thrown together and I was dog gone tired. That was not the way it was supposed to be.

I contracted Lymes Disease in late 2007 and it slowed me down quite a bit but I managed to keep doing good works for Jesus and neglecting everything at home. I didn’t have any kind of regular time in Gods Word or prayer. I was totally running on empty.

In Aug 2013 I started to feel really, really fatigued. I was in charge of the nursery and Nursery Sunday School at church and if a child even looked like their nose was running I would get really sick. By December I had to give up ALL my face to face volunteer work. No nursery, no food pantry, no volunteering at the local free clinic, no cooking meals for CR, among other things.  I was able to continue volunteering online with Proverbs 31 Ministries. I spent most of my time in my recliner-resting. I found the biggest ministry I could take part in I was able to do from my recliner-I could pray for others. I became a Prayer Warrior, something I still do today.

Eventually I was diagnosed with an immune deficiency from my bodies constant figh with Chronic Lymes Complex. I had to give myself weekly infusions until I started a homeopathic remedy that jump started my immune system.

During this time I was living a big fat NO from God. No volunteering.  It was very difficult at first, I was so used to doing and not being. I’m not able to work a regular job since a motorcycle accident in 2004-being able to do volunteer work gave my life meaning. Gradually, as my immune system mended, I was able to add back some volunteer positions. Lesson learned, I was very careful as to what I added back.

I had to learn to say “No” to a lot of good things in order for me to live my best yes for my husband, home and my health and in all honesty to give God my best.

Saying “no” to good things is now comfortable for me, however, I still find myself saying “I’m sorry, I can’t because……” I still struggle with needing to give an explanation why I need to say “No”. As I sit here writing this I think I will just say, “I’m sorry, I am not able to do that at this point in time.” and leave it at that.

It’s hard!! Those I’m saying “No” to often will say “but it will be fun fellowship-it’s just 2 hours”. Yes, that may be true but it will drain me for what I have scheduled for later in the  afternoon, that evening or tomorrow. Some thing I know God has called me to do. Chronic Lyme’s  Complex still rears its ugly head when I have 3 or 4 days of constant activity. In fact, I’ve been in my recliner since Sunday night because of activities I did this past weekend. Pain and fatigue certainly make no a necessary word! I need to listen to my body!

It does get easier to say no. When I’m asked to do something, I pray, “Lord, is this what YOU would have me do?” Sometimes it’s clearly yes, sometimes it’s clearly no, and others times I’m not sure, then I wait until I’m sure. I’m a work in progress-my will gets in the way. It is getting better though, one day at a time!


God is in the details



When Suzie Eller gave us our prompt for this weeks #livefree Thursday “The Adventure Begins” I had to smile because I thought I was on the slow track to one adventure but realized last week that God’s adventure for me is so different, so out of my comfort zone, and yes, so awesome. This is not how I would have reacted 2-3 years ago-adventures into the unknown carried denial, fear, and yes, I have to admit, some disobedience to what God was calling me to do. God has done a work in me to prepare me for this moment in time.

I am still in a period of preparation but these preparations suddenly have purpose. I’m not sure what the end  of the journey entails but I know God is there. I am facing this journey and time of preparation with a faith I didn’t think I would ever have. To be honest, I’ve always been a “that’s ok I’ll stay right here and watch” kind of girl while you went on your adventures. But slowly and with much love and grace God has brought me to where I am today.

How am I SO sure of this? Just a quick look at the last 3+ years that I have been participating, and later serving with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies- God has been all the details, just for me!

In Dec 2012 I was full of anger and resentment-what was the P31 OBS study that popped into my inbox?

Karen Ehman’s book “Let.It.Go.”!!

Once I Let.It.Go I realized I still had stress-what was the next P31 OBS?

Tracie Mile’s  book “Stressed Less Living”!!

Life was less stressful so now what?

Lysa TerKeurst’s book “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God”!!

OH NO I said Yes to God-now I’m a Small Group Leader-I can’t do that!! What am I going to do?

What was the next P31 OBS study?

Rene Swope’s book “A Confident Heart”!!

I had more Godfidence but honestly I craved sweets and TV more than God.

What was the next 2 P31 OBS studies?

Lysa TerKeust’s  books “Made to Crave” and “Made to Crave Action Plan”!!

I started to Crave God more but questioned how to live God’s Word.

What was the next P31 OBS study?

Wendy Blight’s book  “Living So That”!!

So I started Living so that my life reflected more of Jesus but gosh I had a lot of baggage and labels holding me back.

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Derwin Gray’s book “Limitless Life”!!

The labels fell away, I was ready to serve God, with all my heart-so many good Godly things to be involved with but getting SO worn out and yes, a bit overwhelmed and resentful.

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Lysa TerKeurst’s book “The Best Yes”!!

Now I was ready to make Best Yes choices but which ones? I needed to pray more effectively but how do that?

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Max Lucado’s book “Before Amen”!!

I learned the power of prayer but still struggled with my mouth. How do I know what to say and what to just commit to this new prayer life?

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Karen Ehman’s book “Keep It Shut”!!

So now I’m keeping it shut, wanting to serve more but still some what fearful about the unknown.

What was the next  OBS Study?

Lysa TerKeurst’s book “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith”!!

I wanted to walk in faith, really I did but there was something I couldn’t  put a finger on. Some things were holding me back.

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Suzie Eller’s book “A Mended Heart”!!

I had hidden hurts that I wasn’t even aware of and Jesus did an amazing work healing my heart. Now I was ready to serve but where do I start-I had so many distractions…oh I’ll just start cleaning my desk and then I’ll start!

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Glynnis Whitwer’s book “Taming The To Do List”!!

Ok, Ok I hadn’t  quiet tamed that to do but I was getting better but gosh Thanksgiving was coming, then Christmas, people pulling every which way….what’s a girl to do??

What was the next P31 OBS Study?

Lysa TerKeurst’s book “Unglued”!!

So I did all these studies, grew in ways I can’t even begin to describe. Sometimes feeling a bit in adequate as I did lots of studies, served God in several ministries but feeling like there was something more.

What was the next P31 OBS study?

Lysa Terkeurst’s book “Becoming More Thank A Good Bible Study Girl”!!

I’m ready, want to use my past to the Glory of God but am I really hearing from God, I don’t want to hear Him wrong and I don’t want to start yet another thing I won’t finish. More importantly, does God even know who I am?  Well right now we are in a break from P31 OBS and I am participating in the first ever P31 Bible Study Class. What is it?

Wendy Blight’s book “I know His Name”!!

In just the first two chapters we have covered Elohim, my God who created me and El Roi, my God who knows me. He created me for a purpose, He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He will guide me but what if I want to quit?

What is the next P31 OBS Study?

Nicki Koziarz’ book “5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t  Quit”!!

My God loves me SO much that he orchestrated all these studies to gently lead me to this moment in time when I am ready to take an adventure into the unknown. He created me, He loves me, He guides me, He is already where He is leading me.

God has been with me every step of the way, I have no doubts he will continue so I am looking to this adventure with faith and not fear. Oh I know the enemy isn’t happy, he’s already tried to attack my health but guess what Abba daddy has taken care of me. It’s not my battle, it’s His. That frees me up and so….The Adventure Begins…and I’m so excited!!

BTW You can join us for the next Proverbs 31 OBS-5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit by Nicki Koziarz. Just  Click here to sign-up and  purchase the book! You can also check out the Proverbs 31 OBS archives for all the previous studies.








Bubbles of a different kind….

This week our #livefree prompt is “breaking out of my bubble”. Honestly, I had no clue where to go with this.

I have been living in a bubble my entire life.



Avoiding the unknown

I was driving to a medical appointment a few days ago and took the time to seek God on this topic. God revealed to me that sometimes, no matter how safe it feels, you can’t stop yourself from breaking out of your bubble. God, Elohim, the God who creates, is doing a new thing.  The pressure from within can’t be held back. The Holy Spirit grows so deeply within you that you HAVE to break out. He gave me a few examples of things breaking out of the safety of their bubbles for new and much greater things. All go from nothing spectacular to amazing creations.

A baby growing in the comfort of the womb until it grows so much it HAS to leave that comfort zone and be propelled into the unknown. It has gone from one cell to an incredibly complex creation with amazing potential.

A catapiller gets wound up in a cocoon, at first it’s small and comfortable but as it grows and changes it can’t help but burst forth into the world-forever changed. Not truly knowing its new self but awesome and beautiful.

A bird lays an egg. Inside is a gooey, slimy substance but in a few weeks amazing changes happen. The gooey, slimy substance grows into a bird, even though it’s not fully developed, it has to burst forth from the egg to continue growing. It becomes a beautiful bird.

A seed goes into the ground and bursts forth into a plant. The plant slowly grows and then it has buds that, when the time comes, burst forth into beautiful blossoms.

Sometimes it takes a few weeks and sometimes it takes years for a bubble to burst and for the changes to become apparent. But burst they do and always a new and better thing emerges.

I was born of a sinful nature. I received Christ and became a new creation. I slowly and steadily grow in my relationship with Elohim, my creator. The Holy Spirit in dwells in me, the old me loved safe, loved comfort, loved knowing. The new me, through the power of the Holy Spirit, is growing so much so that I am bursting at the seams. My bubble is bursting and instead of being fearful of the unknown, I am trusting my God, who dresses the flowers in the fields and provides for all their needs, to equip me for the things to come. Better things, more beautifully productive things.

Many things have happened recently that confirm its time to move forward, break out of my bubble, trust that God will guide my steps to becoming more.

Imagine the smile that came across my face when I received gift yesterday. This amazing confirmation that God will be with me as I walk forward in faith.


Yeah, Elohom loves me that much!

The time for growing, out of my bubble, has come.







Into the deep



Into the deep….these three simple words fill me with excitement and fear all at once.

I grew up in a home where there were many challenges. My parents did the best they could with what they had but because of some of the challenges in our home I was forced to grow up quicker and have much more responsibility  than a child should have. Because of these challenges I wasn’t able to learn how to be a friend and have friendships on a life long deep level. I knew many people but felt very much alone. I didn’t know what it meant to be there for someone like Jesus tells us we should.

I have 4 sisters and 2 brothers and as each of us left home we scattered all across the country. My brother, David, moved to CA and seemed to be doing well-he loved music, writing and playing his guitar and had a pretty good job in Silicon Valley. On Fathers Day, in 1978, when David was just 25 years old I got a call from my mom that he had taken his life. None of us saw it coming but listening to songs he wrote and recorded on cassette, after his death, it was obvious there was something seriously wrong. I wish I had heard those songs, I wish I lived closer to him, I wished I had said “I love you Davy” one more time. After his death I remember hearing several of his friends say that my brother had called them to hang out that night but they didn’t have time. There are many “what it’s” but we will never know.

At the time, I was not going to church, I didn’t have any friends where I lived and I was lost. I couldn’t listen to music-it reminded me of Davy. I just sort of moved through days. I vowed, though, that if anyone ever called me and needed to talk or for me to hang out that I would never say no. I didn’t really have any friends so this opportunity didn’t happen. I didn’t have any friends, I lived a very isolated life with my ex husband so nothing ever really happened with that desire to be a friend in hard times.

In the time since I’ve had one child from my first marriage, that won’t talk to me due to choices I made when she was a child, lived through and by the grace of God, over come addiction, 2 divorces, received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, married an awesome man that I love sharing life with, gotten involved with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study and grown an amazing relationship with Jesus Christ. I still struggle with friendships, I know a lot of people but there is a little voice that constantly says “They like you but you’re not good enough to be their BFF” I know that is a lie from the devil. I know it births from the fact that I have never learned how to be a friend. I’ve not learned to trust someone with my deepest thoughts but I am realizing that others trust me with their deepest thoughts. I have recently been able to help a friend who is going through cancer but even with that I know in my heart I should be doing more, but yet I don’t. I have comfort in knowing that she knows Jesus and trusts God has a plan for her and I am grateful to be able to be a part of His plan in her life.

I say all this because God in His infinite wisdom and I must say humor keeps putting women in my path that need more than I feel comfortable giving, some have deep problems I know God can heal but I was never discipled as a new Christian so knowing how to do that for another is challenging. Surprisingly, I am realizing lately that I know much more than I give myself credit. I have tucked His word into my heart and the Holy Spirit brings it to mind at just the right moment.  These women that come to me do so, I hope, not because they see me but because they see His light shining through me. They don’t know that it’s the Light of Christ drawing them to the peace they see in me, that peace that comes from Him. I want to learn how to share Jesus with grace, mercy and love instead of just wanting to shake them and say “Just grab Jesus-He’s the answer to ALL your problems”.

So, I, a girl who was a very “so so”student, who is so fearful of failing that I don’t even try new things , will be walking into the deep. I am seeking God’s direction. I know he has called me to write but he is calling me to do more. I’m not sure where the path will lead but I do know it will be way out of my comfort zone but that’s ok. Jesus will be walking right next to me-he will never leave me nor will he ever forsake me. He has plans for me and those plans require me to walk into the deep, trust, obey and follow Him with complete abandon.

Scary, a little bit but extremely exciting too.  Do you find yourself sticking to the safety zone or are you willing to walk into the deep?

Jeremiah 29:11-13 says:

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I’m seeking Him with all my heart and yes doing some questioning. The main question being “seriously, you want me to do that?” I had to chuckle this morning reading Bible Gateways verse for the day. God is always on time!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

He has plans for me, plans much bigger than I can imagine He’s there with out stretched hand waiting for me to walk into the deep. I’m stepping into the deep and grabbing the hand that will lead, equip and guide me.


God Change Me….


Healing well, inside and out!

Healing outwardly and growing inwardly.

My last post Judging …was a difficult one to share. It’s so difficult to admit publicly an area in which you struggle. I was not prepared for the amazing feedback I received in the comments, on my FB page and in private messages. We are fodder for the enemy when we conceal our sin and suffer in silence. When we put a voice to our sin we take his power away and activate the power within us, the Holy Spirit, that guides us to change. When I put a voice to my sin I am reminded:

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out.”                                     1 Corinthians 10:13

There is absolutely no new sin. If I have done it, someone else has too. We need never feel like we are alone. By confessing it to one another and before God we allow God to take our mess and make it our message. We help others to heal and grow with the help of the Holy Spirit that dwells in us as we are healing and growing at the same time.

So, now that we have shared and commiserated that we all have times when we judge, what can we do about it? Fall back on the old excuse, “Well, I’m human and I’m not perfect.” Perfect, no but progressing towards being better today then I was yesterday and looking forward to even better days tomorrow, yes.

The first step in eliminating a sin in our lives is to become aware of it. Then we need to enlist Gods help to change us.

“and Jesus said to them, ‘With man this is impossible but with God ALL things are possible.'” Matt 19:26

In and of ourselves we can’t change anything . We need God to guide us. When we ask God to change us, he makes a way. Since last week when I realized how nonchalantly I can judge others, when I catch myself doing it, I simply say to myself “God change me.” I want to see others the way Jesus does, sinners saved by his grace and mercy. At first I had to say this over and over and over but each day it gets better. I find myself filled with a little bit more joy and I am seeing others in a totally different light. The light of Christ.

Its been both humbling and awesome at the same time-humbling because no one wants to admit their sin. Awesome because God loves me so much that he patiently waits until I’m ready and then helps me grow. Hopefully, others are growing too by my sharing.

Oh, and my lip is healing very well!!


“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”                             Matthew 7:1-2

Judging, I would love to say I don’t judge at all but that would definitely be a lie. So my question is, when I am judged by others why does it sting so? Why am I not able to receive what I so easily think or say about others. Oh, nothing I say would be considered nasty or mean, just sharing my personal opinion. Right? Well, who am I to decide what is mean, nasty even if it’s  my honest opinion? If the person were to hear my words would they be blessed or feel a little bit more broken? Lord knows there are enough other things going on in people’s lives that cause enough brokenness – I don’t need to add to it.

Recently, I had a little bit of a flash back of pain caused by judging that I thought I had let go of. I grew up with lots of problems with acne-not just your run of the mill pimples but I would break out in boils on my body. They were mean and ugly and I often felt eyes looking at me with disgust over something I had little power over. At least that is what I thought. My dad planted a huge vegetable garden and when I started eating fresh produce, on a regular basis, my boils cleared. I still battled acne, well into adulthood, and that is when I felt eyes on me. People looking at me as if I had some contagious disease. Eventually in my 50’s I finally out grew the acne. Peace at last. No eyes looking at me in discust.

Until this past Wednesday.

I’ve had a precancerous area on my lip that has not responded to 4 attempts to burn it off and two rounds of chemo cream. It.just.would.not.go!! The last resort was to have it biopsied and then resurface the entire area by burning it off.  I had that done Wednesday. My lip looks charred, is swollen and is just plain ugly.


Since I needed to go to the big city to have this procedure done I decided to go to Barnes and Noble and a few other places. I love spending time in the B&N Starbucks Cafe-reading, writing and sipping a nice hot drink. Right away, the woman in front of me on line looked at my face and forceably moved her young daughter to the other side of her to protect her. I am clean, dressed comfortably and otherwise normal in appearance.. It was really odd. I sat down and started looking at Facebook while my order was being prepared….others went to sit near me, looked at me and moved. I felt like I was a leper. Not a good feeling. Of course, there were many that didn’t act this way but instead of embracing their acceptance my flesh chose to focus on the ones judging my appearance. Why is it w do that?

  You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
Romans 2:1

Ouch, how often do I do the same. See someone I haven’t seen in a while and think “boy, she’s put on weight” or share something I heard about a person with my husband (which is not really bad because he never remembers what I say, right?) Or comment on how someone is dressed or how I perceive they have wronged me. Ouch!! I am so guilty! I think it affects me so deeply because I am so the person to maybe not do the same thing but something just as judgemental.

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

Yikes, I always relate this verse to doing good for the least of his children. I never equated it to judging and doing wrong to others, “whatever you did for one of the least of these….” Not whatever good  you  did. WHATEVER you did. Do I want to judge Jesus? Every time I judge others, I am judging Jesus.OUCH!! I am judging His creation. Totally disregarding the work He is doing in them.

I just love how God uses everyday circumstances to help ME grow. It immediately takes the perceived hurt away and puts the focus on what I can change…me. As I start 2016 I hope and pray I can keep my eyes focused on what God is changing in me and not the changing God is doing in others!

Gracious Abba Father, help me to focus my eyes on you and not those who are around me. Shield me from perceived hurt and help me to not receive anything that is not of you. Help me Lord to build up others instead of tearing them down. Help me to see you in all I come across each day.

Thank you Lord for the work you are doing in me-thank you for your grace, mercy and unconditional love! Amen!