Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. And he who searches the hearts of men knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27 (ESV)
Have you ever had a burden so hard, so deep that words fail? Deep pain that only intervention by the Holy Spirit will bring your request to God. Deep pain that causes the Holy Spirit to respond and intercede with sighs too deep for words.
I have heard it said that God answers prayers three way: Yes, No and Not Now. Scripture also tells me in Psalm 37:3-5(ESV):
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will dwell in the land, and enjoy security.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
So the thoughts swirling in my mind today are if I am trusting the Lord, do good, delight in Him will He give me the desires of my heart? Absolutely!! I’ve committed my way to Him and I trust Him so I can trust He will act. It’s a promise that I am standing on.
I did many good things raising my daughter-I read to her daily, when she was very young, instilled in her that she could do whatever she put her mind to, her love of cooking and baking, to name a few. She even knew that she could come to me if she messed up because I had messed up and worked my way through the messes to victory. Her dad expected perfection, messing up was not an option. I made her clothes when she was young because her dad expected her to wear her male cousins second hand clothes. After all, why buy cute things when she was going to out grow them? I did a lot of good.
BUT I messed up too. I was relationship addicted and when her dad was not able to fill the empty hole in my heart I went looking for someone else to fill it. I did not know it was a hole only Jesus could fill. The man I choose, my now 2nd ex husband, to move onto was exciting and dangerous and I was addicted to him and healing his heart hurt. Sadly that did not work and I realized that he was even sicker than I thought. I wanted to believe he would change, time and time again I would throw him out only to have him con his way back in. I was sick, I was relationship addicted and didn’t know the only addiction I needed was Jesus. When my daughter refused to come home from college for Thanksgiving, in 1997, I had to fully face how sick he was and I kicked him out for good. I never looked back. But the damage was done. I failed to protect her, I failed as a mom big time.
After getting counseling, to work on my self and my destructive choices and many, many hours of talking on the phone, with my daughter (she lived in another state with her dad), I thought we healed our relationship.
Fast forward to 2009, she remembered repressed memories, that were affecting her health, so she decided she needed time to process her memories. She needed to temporarily step away from our relationship to work through these memories. We had a series of written exchanges that were misinterpreted, on both sides, hurt hearts often do that and thats where things stand today. 10 long years later. Oh, I have made an effort to communicate with her to no avail. My mama heart longs to hear her voice and feel her hug again. Ten years the enemy has robbed from is.
Because I know God’s Word is true I hold onto hope that my sweet Alma Rose will contact me. I believe God’s answer to my prayer is “not now” because I trust Him, I live my life for Him, I delight in Him and He WILL grant the desires of my heart. Which, for me, is reconciliation.
I have to admit sometimes my heart grows weary and praying is difficult. It is in those times there are two things that sustain me. First, I have many prayer warrior sisters holding me and my daughter up in prayer and second, when the pain runs deep and I have no words, only tears, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me with deep sighs that are too deep for words. The Holy Spirit dwells in me and knows the desires of my heart even better than I do and that is so comforting.
How about you? Do you have prayer needs that run so deep that you need the Holy Spirit to intercede with groaning too deep for words? Share your prayer need in the comments. Together we will trust God and His perfect timing.
If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!