Day 23-Need

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

Words a frustrated teenager didn’t want to hear but those words would slip out of her mom’s mouth and slip into her ears. “Don’t worry, God will provide”. Understanding failed her-getting clothes from a hefty bag, someone else’s throw aways, was not how she wanted to be provided for. Her mom working everyday, not home or for dinner was not how she wanted to be provided for. So full of self and empty of gratitude.

It took growing up facing challenging times that she realized the sacrifices her mom made. Her mom always wanted to be a mom, stay at home and raise her family but that was not in the cards. Her husband had challenges and his work did not provide enough. As she stormed the gates of heaven with cries asking God to provide for her family it was not her choice to go out and work. God provided a way and she was grateful for the opportunity to work and support her family. Not only did her job, that God provided, supply their immediate needs it also helped in retirement.

There are many times that the girl looks back on and she sees how God supplied every need-not always they way she wanted but the best way for the need. She is full of gratitude today. She looks to tomorrow with hope because God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and will supply all her needs.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 22-No sense

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9(ESV)

So many thoughts whirling around-mostly lies from the enemy. Some have their roots steeped in old truths, some are saplings popping up here and there. They make their best effort to dig deep down in the soil of a soul.

There is no weed killer, in this world, that is able to kill those roots but there is one who can. In the blink of an eye, a word of truth spoken and those deep rooted lies are uprooted and killed instantly. The best tool in the box is the Word of God. Unlike the weeds of this world. who love warmth and light, these lie weeds rooted in a heart hate the light. The light shrinks them away to nothing.

Things that made no sense in the past make sense today. Their happenings caused pain and heartache and now, when shared, cause health and healing.

When things start to stir now and make no sense those past times come to mind and a smile dances across a once sad face. The light is invited in. Things didn’t make sense in the past and worked out and things happening today may not make sense but because they did in the past it’s easy to accept they will work out now. Make sense??

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 21-Person

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

Scrolling through facebook my eyes gaze on that meme again.”If you could talk with any person in the Bible who would it be? Some people say women like Ruth or Mary, some say Abraham or Moses but inevitably a few people say Jesus. The amazing fact is that I don’t need to fantasize about talking with Jesus-I do it every day.

When sadness washes over me like a wave in the ocean His Word reminds me that He is close to the broken hearted.

Psalm 34:18(ESV)

When I walk through the valley of death His Word reminds me He is with me.

Psalm 23:4 (ESV)

When I feel lost His Word tells me He will leave the 99 to come find me.

Luke 15:4 (ESV)

When I have a need His Word reminds me that when I delight in Him He will grant the desires of my heart.

Psalm 37:4

When my past calls to condemn me His Word reminds me there is no condemnation for those in Christ.

Romans 8:1 (ESV)

When I am afraid His Word tells me to fear not.

Hebrews 13:6 (ESV)

When I forget whose I am His Word tells me I am His.

1 Peter 2:9 (ESV)

When I feel confused and unsure His Word tells me I have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:16 (ESV)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 

John 1:1(ESV)

He walks with me, He walks with me, He calls me His own.

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 20-Secrets revealed

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

Secrets of the past neatly tucked in the deep recesses of a heart are safe. Right? The door slammed shut never to be opened again. Hidden away behind smiles and the newness of life today. Oh but there is a slight crack in the door, it didn’t slam shut after all. A shoe slipped ever so slightly in the way prevents these secrets from being locked away after all.

Whispers begin from somewhere deep inside-you’re a loser, if they only knew what you did, you won’t amount to anything, your chances have been used up. They start as a raspy whisper, grow louder by the minute until you can’t hear your own thoughts. You are over powered by the past. You run, you hide but can not escape the voice screaming in your head. This is how you were before you met the light, before God made beauty from the ashes of your pain.

A chance meeting with a stranger. She is in pain and suffering. Her dark life slips out and without wanting to you tell her of your dark past secrets. She is astounded-can not believe she is not alone in this darkness. She gazes in disbelief. She is a mess and sees your light shining brightly.

How can this be? This darkness of your past is the same darkness she is walking through yet the countenance about you is glowing, full of joy and peace.

How can this be? She must know so you share about this man. How he reached down into the depths of your darkness and whispered, “I hear you, I see you, I will set you free. Do you want freedom?” Desperately you cried out, “yes, I want the freedom you offer”. He wipes your past clean and says, “Go and sin no more.”

Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.

Psalm 118:5(ESV)

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand fast therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1 (ESV)

You ask, “Would you like freedom too?” In her desperation she says “Yes, but how, who is this man?” You tell her of the man who is both man and God. You tell her you were once lost but was found by Jesus and she can too.

If you did not share the dark secrets of your past God could not work through you to bring healing to others. This is why you tell, why you let what were once secrets slip out of your heart.

The beauty in the ashes is that once you let the secrets out, to be used of God, He slips into that deep, dark closet, shines His lights and sweeps it clean.

Yea, thou art my lamp, O Lord,
    and my God lightens my darkness.

2 Samuel 22:29 (ESV)

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 19-Strong

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

The day dawns brightly with clouds dancing across the sky. I step out into the yard and look up to see a rainbow arching over our property. Blue skies peaking through the clouds promise a day full of endless possibilities. The chickens call asking me to open their pen so they can wander the yard and feast on all the creepy, crawly things living in the grass. Their calls beacon me, I am their keeper and they know my voice.

I am grateful for those four feathered breakfast makers. They need me but I need them more than they will ever know. They depend on me for clean water, food and a safe, clean coop. I need a reason to get up and get dressed. Keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. You see while my spirit is full with joy my heart feels the coming storm. The darkness that comes out of no where to try to kill, devour and destroy me from the inside out. I see it coming yet I can not stop the impending storm. The lies that I sometimes hear, whispered into my ear, from the evil one. Lies that are based in the truth of my past but are no longer true. I am not my past, it no longer defines me but occasionally it grabs me.

It’s at times like these, when I feel my weakest, I am made strong through the power that lives in me. A power greater than any darkness that can and will inevitable envelope me.

Some say my faith is lacking, if I truly walked with Jesus this darkness would not keep coming over me. I should be strong enough to fight the evil one. Truth is, I am not. There is no strength within my earthly flesh to combat the darkness that is called periodic major depression. I walk through one bout and hope and pray it is the last, I beg God to make it my last. All is well, for a while and then………the storm begins to build and all I can do is hold onto the boat and keep my eyes on the one who calms my storms.

Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (ESV)

As this storm slowly creeps across the horizon I will keep my eyes fixed on the rainbow and stretch my arms up to the heavens. I will give thanks even in this, this brewing storm.

The storm will rage, fatigue will fill my battle weary body but victory is mine. Jesus made promises to me in His Word.

Past sin and choices don’t define me

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

Romans 8:1(ESV)

No matter how dark, no matter how invisible I feel God is with me and for me.

No matter how dark I will be content.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, “I will never fail you nor forsake you.” Hence we can confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper,
I will not be afraid;
what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6 (ESV)

The sunrise kisses the mountains across the pasture and I am reminded that above every dark and dreary stormed filled sky the sun shines brightly above the clouds. The sun’s warmth is always present even when I can’t see or feel it. His light burns brightly inside me even when I don’t feel it. His light will guide me through this storm and, as I persevere through, my faith will be made strong.

Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. (ESV)

Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (ESV)

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 18-Be Active in my life, Lord.

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

The room was bustling with activity as the Food Pantry clients walked through the door hoping to get enough food to last the week. Every week they come earlier, the list grows longer but the Pantry does not open any earlier. So they wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes with the nervousness of a cornered possum.

The room was alive with clients picking the extra free items, volunteers cutting scrumptious cakes and other sweets. Crock pots of steaming soups were being brought out from the kitchen. One by one each family filled out the necessary paperwork and added their name to the ever growing list.

25 then 30 then 35 the list grows longer and longer and the food pantry hasn’t even opened yet. It’s a very typical active day at the food pantry.

Finally we had prayer time and the doors open. The first client is called, then the next and as we worked through the 40 waiting families some got tired of their long wait. Some acknowledge the wait is so long because they arrived more than an hour early. Some are so patient and kind offering words that lifted my spirit and then add a hug!! The kind words are like ice cream and their hugs are the topping! Meanwhile, more clients kept arriving to add their names to the ever growing list.

It’s my volunteer job to take care of the input, hunt down clients when it’s their turn and make sure everyone gets taken care of in a smooth, orderly fashion. When we have busy days, like this one in September, I occasionally need to be firm and ask those that don’t belong in the pantry area to please leave, they don’t always understand and I am the “mean one”. Their words cut like a knife and I am left to put on a happy face and continue my job.

I have had several challenging incidents, at the food pantry, lately and it has caused me to look within asking myself, “Is it them?, Lord, or is it me? Am I being difficult?” Honestly, I have been a little hard on myself. I have spent time seeking God, and His wisdom and understanding.

I was sharing with my husband, tonight, that God has both blessed me and also cursed me with a very tender heart. On one hand, I have a lot of empathy and compassion for others and on the other hand, my heart hurts with the actions of others.

I was losing my joy of serving, saddened to constantly hear one person tell others within my ear shot how mean I was. I know God’s opinion is what matters, I should let the words of others flow away from me like water off a duck’s back but I am human. I have a tender heart, also, I am an introvert so just being there, doing the job I do, is a challenge and all God. By the end of the day I am peopled out. LOL

So the only two activities I could think of, in the quiet hours this morning, to get back my joy were to pray and to search God’s Word for His truth. I begged God to give me wisdom and understanding in prayer and that led me to His Word. I was so desperate I wrote many verses on sticky notes, to take with me, so I would have them to shield the darts. Through God’s great grace, mercy and love no darts were thrown my way today-only love.

Today was a very different day. No harsh words. So many blessed me with compliments and hugs. Out of no where someone would come up and let me know how much I was appreciate and give me a hug. Many told me they could not do the job I do and do it with a smile. God was alive and active in the food pantry and all I can say is Thank You, Jesus.

In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. Psalm 18:6

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 17-Consistent for me.

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

A few days ago I shared that I write for one, to reach one and that is true. But I am also writing in this 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes to gain consistency with my writing. To write everyday with out fail. Even when I don’t feel like it. Even if it’s boring and makes sense only to me.

Some of my writing, these last 17 days, has been light and airy, just my thoughts written down and some has been really hard to write. Those posts were not my idea, for sure. Sometimes the word for the day has me staring at the keys for an idea. Other days the word for the next day rolls around my head and I have no idea what to write. This was the case with the word “other” I went to bed, tossed and turned and could not sleep. I got up, sat at my IPad and the words just flowed. Pushing publish, with that one, was an act of obedience.

We all have the list of words, could write in advance and schedule the posts or do like I do, write each day. I thought about pre-writing and scheduling my posts but that would completely sabotage why I am participating in this challenge. To write every day for 31 days on the words provided.

Once I get consistent with act of writing then I will work on the content. Become consistent with a theme. Hone my writing skills and everything that is involved with writing words others will want to read.

For now it’s all about consistency and once in a while the Holy Spirit gives me the words to write and they will reach someone that needs to read them. That is the blessing I have received during this challenge. Half way through and I have stayed consistent.

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

Day 16-Avoiding words.

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

Remind them of this, and charge them before the Lord to avoid disputing about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2: 14-15(ESV)

Sometimes it can be such a challenge to avoid disputes with words. My flesh can get the best of me. Several instances recently have me seeking God and asking Him to guide my words and actions. I would rather be right with God instead of right with the world.

There is a delicate balance between speaking truth, in love, and biting my tongue because the words I want to speak, even though spoken in truth, are not spoken in love and are better off not said. I don’t need to fight my battles, God will fight them for me and fight them better than I ever could.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God; for it iswritten, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19(ESV)

Yet, there are other times it’s impossible to avoid conflict. If I see an injustice, someone causing another discomfort, I HAVE to speak up and protect them. I failed at this, in my past, and a very special person in my life has been forever scarred. I won’t allow that to happen again. It’s times like these that I realize the person I am speaking to may never completely accept responsibility for their actions BUT I will know I spoke truth into them. Once that is done I simply need to let go and let God handle the situation as only He can.

Righteous lips are the delight of a king,
and he loves him who speaks what is right. Proverbs 16:13 (ESV)

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

 

Day 15-Forced to be open….

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

I was never one who was open to change. I lived in the same home, my entire childhood, in fact, my parents didn’t sell my childhood home until I was out of the house for 19 years. At the age of 63 I can count on both hands, with fingers left over, the number places I’ve lived in my life and on one hand the number of jobs I’ve had.

My husband is a biker  and introduced me to long distance motorcycle trips. Living in a very urban part of NJ we took every opportunity to jump on the bike and put some miles on it. If we weren’t working we were riding. Each summer we took trips from NJ to the Ozark Mts. I loved getting away and hated coming home. I loved my job but I hated living in the city specially after 9/11.

August 2004 we did our usual summer trip to the Ozarks-about 3000 miles round trip with near perfect weather. The Sunday after we got home we decided to take a ride to a friends church-the Pastor is a biker and preaches the Word of God with amazing passion. We were about 2 1/2 miles from home  and had just passed through the NJ Turnpike toll booth. We entered the ramp leading to the next highway when I looked up and all I remember seeing was a red car hood and saying “God help us”. The next thing I remember is hearing this horrendous groaning and then realizing it was coming from me. The car with the red hood was driven by someone who thought the best way to get to the toll was to pass four cars, crossing the double yellow line on an uphill blind curve. I landed in the middle of the lane for the oncoming traffic. Thankfully, the on coming traffic saw what was about to happen and stopped or I would have been killed by the secondary hit.

Witnesses said it looked like I was caught and laid down on the pavement-for a long time I resentfully wished my angel had  dropped me a little softer so I would have avoided all my injuries, some of which I still deal with today. I know now God had plans for me and my injuries. Today I am thankful for our accident. While I was lying on the ground I distinctly heard, in my spirit, a voice saying, “it’s going to be a long haul but you are going to be ok.” After that I had an odd sense of peace that can only come from God.

I was a very self sufficient woman, who had lived in the same city a long time, worked at the same job for 15 years suddenly had to depend on others to take care of me. My husband was injured too so we went from two good salaries to hoping to get temporary disability. For the first time in many years, I was not earning a living. We both needed surgeries and physical therapy. Borrowing money to meet our daily expenses. The man that hit us had very minimal insurance and no  assets so we didn’t recover very much. Did I mention that financial stability was the biggest strong hold the enemy had on me?  I had to have major back surgery in March 2005. I couldn’t go back to work permanently.

One morning, not long after my back surgery, my husband came to me and said, “You will never guess what we are supposed to do!” I answered him, “Move to the Ozarks?” God had given us both the same dream that night. The next night my husband couldn’t sleep so he went on the Internet to check out properties and one kept coming up. Unbelievably, the next day a realator showed up on our doorstep and said “I know your building is not for sale but I have an interested buyer.” We owned a four family building. There were lots of things that should not have fallen into place but we kept saying “if it’s God’s will, it will happen” and happen it did! We now live in the Ozarks in that home that kept coming up and can not imagine living anywhere else. It’s our corner of paradise.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths

For the first time we were truly living these words-trusting in Him, not relying on what the world would say what we should be doing, praised Him every step of the way and He made our path straight.

I believe that God does not cause tragedy in our lives but like the Book of Job illustrates He allows it. I never would have been open to the changes that took place in our lives had we not had our life changing accident. The accident helped me break loose of some strongholds, caused me to trust God on a deeper level and realize the enemy could take away my mobility but not my ability to serve God. I could pray anywhere and anytime.

The enemy tried to derail my life but instead he caused my relationship with Jesus to grow strong. My heart is now open to what God has planned for me and for His calling on my life. I know I use Genesis 50:20 a lot but truth be told the enemy has worked time and again to stop me from serving God and every time the exact opposite has happened-a deeper desire to know Him and serve Him.

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!

 

 

 

 

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Day 14-Finding my voice.

Here is the next installment of my Five Minute Free Writes Challenge.

I grew up in a family of seven children and, at times, being the middle child, I often felt invisible and unseen. Sometimes conversations were so busy and loud I needed to raise my voice and butt in, in order to be heard. This does not create good listening habits.

I have to work really hard at not butting in or finishing someones sentences. I don’t like it at all when others do it to me so I am making a concerted effort to stop, listen and not interrupt. I have to be honest…..it’s really hard. I want my voice heard but I also want to respect and hear what the other person has to say.

Interrupting shows I do not respect your voice.

Interrupting shows I think my voice is more important.

I don’t want to do either of these things. I want to value and respect the words and opinions of others. I don’t want to assume I know how they intend to end their sentences. So I have been trying to make a better effort at listening, waiting to respond and put more value in what others have to say.

Yet, I also want my voice heard too. To be treated with the same respect I am giving the person I am listening to. I know if more people really listened to others, specially others with differing opinions, we might have more peace in our country. People no longer listen to understand rather they are forming their answers without ever really listening to the words being spoken. Misunderstandings happen when we don’t listen or respect their voice. Words get thrown about, feelings get hurt, anger wells and all because they did not take time to listen.

I can have my voice and listen too. I can respect another person even if our opinions vary. It’s not my way or no way-the sad truth about many people today. They are so focused on being right they fail to listen and realize they just might not be right. No longer do people agree to disagree. They want their voice heard and only their voice. We can all have a voice, our voice and still live in peace with each other.

May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5 (ESV)

Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love of the brethren, a tender heart and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8

If you would like to read more blogs in this series click here 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge They are written by my Five Minute Friday friends!